Discover Your Core Values (Part Two)
Read about how to find out about your core values, illustrated by an example straight out of the coaching room.
Dear Reader,
Welcome back to Part Two of our exploration into core values — what they are, why they matter, and how they can transform the way we live, work, and relate to others.
In Part One, we talked about how often we go through life disconnected from what truly drives and defines us, and how powerful it can be to have clarity about our core values.
Today’s post is all about moving from awareness into action.
How can we tell if we are really living aligned with our core value?
And more importantly:
How can we integrate them into our daily life, using them to make better decisions, improve our relationships and increase our awareness?
Discovering Our Core Values
Understanding our core values is just the first step on our journey to personal growth and self-awareness. However, it is not enough just to simply name them, you also need to explore how they show up (or don’t show up) in your life.
There are lists and online quizzes out there that can help, but they often produce vague or overwhelming results and you end up being non the wiser.
A more meaningful way is to take time to reflect and ask yourself:
1. What is truly important to me in my life?
What makes me light up with joy and excitement
When do I feel my life is light and effortless and thinks come easy?
What kinds of situation leave me feeling upset, frustrated, or drained?
At this point it can be helpful to look at a values list, to help us find the right words for what is important to us. There are many lists online, or you can download my Core Values Guided Workbook.
2. From that reflection, try to identify around six core values.
You will probably start with a long list, try to narrow it down as much as possible, also by putting similar values in a value chain with the most important one in front (eg. independence - freedom, or peace-harmony).
When you have you core values, define what each of them mean to you personally. (the same value can mean different things to different people, for example kindness might mean generosity to one person and being non-judgmental to another).
3. Now rank them in order of importance.
Which ones absolutely must be honoured for you to feel comfortable and like you are being your true self?
4. For each value, ask yourself:
How is this showing up in my daily life?
How do I demonstrate this value - and how is it demonstrated to me by others?
5. Finally, ask:
How could I have more of this value in my life?
How could I let it guide my decisions more consciously?
A Real-Life Example: Lucy and the Value of Kindness
Let’s return to my client Lucy, who originally thought she “had nothing to talk about“.
During our session, she identified Kindness as her number one core value.
As she spent some time reflection on the importance of kindness in her life, she suddenly recalled something that had happened to her the previous week.
Lucy is a talented photographer with a strong portfolio and impeccable work ethics, and she had been invited for a Zoom interview for a prestigious photography job.
But the interview was awful from the start: the founder of the company who interviewed her was rude, dismissive, and made increasingly outlandish requests about how the photoshoot should be done.
Lucy could have played along, told him what he wanted to hear, and tried to get the job. Instead, she stuck to her professional standards and adhered to her second core value – honesty – and gave her honest opinion on how this photoshoot should be done so she could deliver her best work. She did not get the job she desperately wanted.
When she told me about this incidence she went in a spiral of self-loathing and self-criticism. “This always happens to me, I lose jobs, I always blow it at the last moment.” Her body language reflected her words – full of self-blame and defeat.
I gently asked her: “How are you treating yourself right now?”
She paused. Hesitated. The atmosphere shifted.
“Not very kindly”, she admitted. After a long silence, I followed up:
“If a friend told you this exact story, what would you say to them?”
Her face lit up with a smile. Her entire posture changed, shoulders lifting as she sat more upright. “I’d tell her it wasn’t her fault,” she said, “ I’d tell her she did the right thing and the guy was an asshole”.
I just smiled, holding space.
She continued, almost to herself:
“Maybe…. I could see this interview as a lesson rather than a waste of time”
Together, we explored how she could transform this unpleasant experience, where her value of kindness had been so badly dismissed, into something empowering.
She realised that she might not always come across well over zoom and that it could help to prepare a short statement that communicates her work ethic, values and professional standards upfront. Having this ready could help her make a strong first impression and while staying aligned with her values – even in challenging situations.
Lucy who thought she had “nothing to talk about”, left this coaching session with not only with a deeper understanding about herself and her core values, but also with a clear and actionable plan for how to approach her next job interview - in a way that honours her true self.
Final Thoughts
Our values are always there in the background, quietly shaping our lives, whether we are aware of them or not. When we do get to know them, they can become a powerful foundation for self-awareness, resilience and fulfilment.
So next time you feel stuck, faced with a difficult decision or not sure where your life is going into the right direction, take a moment to check in with your values. They may just have more to say than you realise!
If this sparked something for you, I’d love to hear about it.
What are your core values? Where are they showing up (or not showing up) in your life?
If you feel you may benefit more support in defining your core values, consider working with a life coach. A few focused sessions can provide clarity, structure and insight as you explore what really matters to you. This is exactly the kind of work I do with clients in my Rediscover Yourself Coaching Programme. (please get in touch if you would like to learn more!)
Or, if you’d like to get started on your own, you can download my free Core Values Handbook. It includes guided exercises and reflections to help you uncover your values.
Thanks for reading!
Ute
Dear Urvashi, thank you for your thoughtful comment. I am sorry to hear that you had a tough time and your core value of fairness was not respected. It's really interesting to see how certain things trigger us much more than others, and this often has to do with our values. I sincerely hope that my workbook is useful for you and helps you discover some more of your core values. Thank you for your trust and look forward to reading more from you.
Thank you for writing this. I’ve been reflecting on values a lot recently. I am recovering from chronic stress and have been exploring the events leading up to it and the anger, frustration, exasperation etc. Am concluding that a lot of things because things were not aligning to my core value of ‘fairness’ / ‘treating people fairly’ and that’s led me to thinking about other values I hold dear such as ‘loyalty’ and how I feel when I experience what I perceive to be ‘disloyalty’. I’m grateful for your workbook which I have signed up for on email. Thank you again